when realizing how music influences you, you think " wow this is great!! it's waking up some feelings in me that I didn't know they existed!! " well this is nice, it's nice until you're feeling hyper and happy ( primal nature in my case ) 

and then I start on listening something more mellow ( experimental, piano sounds, ambient ) and suddenly I this wave of inspiration strikes !! My poetry sounds more sharper than ever, I have left my dark finger print on it, I start on waking up the feelings in other people ( no matter if it's the feeling of being disgusted, or at some point -getting horny lol ) but after a while I get into the core of things, of the things that I shouldn't think of or even touch by any chance... I try to mess with the sick and " abnormal  " at some point, and sooner or later that shapes me as a being...

is that the price to write? to get into melancholic states because of self made up reasons (mostly non-existent) or because of music? or because of someone? No, no one is fucking worth because it's an art I create here and I do it for myself...

I don't crave for compassion in my poetry,
that's why it is written is such style.

I don't crave for attention, you wouldn't
understand even if you wanted to.

This should stay here and just remind me, to use the paper as canvas to throw my feelings at mostly when feeling joyful, and sometimes when everything is too much and sickens me for a moment. I'm creating myself as a person, need to chose my own road and don't ever look back again. Mistakes are mistakes,I've gone trough everything, I feel so powerful now I can't even describe it;